Monday 14 May 2012

Why The Tiniest Things Sometimes Matter The Most


After everything I have been through over the past six months, today I am crying. And why? Because my number arrived for the Bupa 10K - a race I applied to take part in before I became ill. Seeing number B14994, my time chip, and my four pins is far more upsetting than I thought it would be. I knew in September that I wouldn't be able to run the race. I knew I couldn't cancel my place and that the pack would eventually turn up. I'm fine about not running it, really I am. So why am I so upset? I suppose it's tangible evidence of my illness. I can hold the number in my hand and know that I'm not fit enough to wear it. It represents my physical weakness. And I guess, deep down, I wonder if I will ever be able to regain my fitness, if I will be able to run the race next year.

And all this has got me thinking. What I need to get over this is a thick skin. And, hey, guess what? I'm a writer. I've got a thick skin! I've managed to write whole novels, big ones too. I've had the courage to send them out into the big wide world with a feeling of hope and a dream of success. And they've come back. I've had hundreds of rejections, from the standard photocopied letter, to a nice email, right the way through to detailed positive feedback. And I'm stronger for it. My writing is better for it. But, and this is the most important thing, I never, ever gave up.

I keep on writing and hoping and dreaming, just as I will, one day, keep on running and hoping and dreaming. So while this paper number, a thing that is so tiny in the scheme of things, has upset me today, it will also inspire me. While I won't be pinning it to my vest and running down the Mall, I will be pinning it to my wall. And every time I look at it I will remember not to give up! It might even help me to finish this novel too.

4 comments:

  1. Oh Sue,I can understand this totally. You are so strong throughout and then something totally unexpected, and as you say often so tiny, will whip the rug from under you. You just have to remember what an amazing woman you are.Sticking it on the wall is a great idea.I am sure you will be running the 10K next year.xx

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    1. Thank you, Ness. And I certainly will be running that race next year. I expect I'll be up at the front with Paula Radcliffe!

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  2. Just remember Lance Armstrong, Sue, and so many others who've fought back and regained their strength and health. And although I didn't have what you've had, I've also gone from zero strength to rebuilding my strength. You can do it and you will run that race - and you'll finish that book xxx

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    1. Aw, thank you. I will battle on with running (hopefully) and writing (definitely). Sometimes the little knocks seem to be the biggest ones! If only you were nearer. We could run together!

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